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'No One Needs An AR-15' Says Person Who's Obviously Never Seen The Cockroaches In Texas

Babylon Bee - Satire | Published on 8/7/2023
EVANSVILLE, IN — Local man Heath Bentley declared to his friend Gill today that no person needs an AR-15, displaying his obvious ignorance of Texas cockroaches.

"Five minutes down there, that boy would be begging for a bazooka," said Corpus Christi native Gill Marek. "An AR-15 is the smallest weapon anyone would dare to take those suckers on with."

Mr. Bentley betrayed his utter lack of knowledge about the behemoths upon telling Mr. Marek that he could not comprehend why any civilian would need an AR-15. "You know the saying that everything's bigger in Texas?" responded Mr. Marek. "The cockroaches are no exception, buddy. I once turned on the light and found a cockroach sitting in the La-Z-Boy, smoking a cigar he'd stolen out of my humidor. He'd torn the front door right off the hinges and made himself at home. There wouldn't be any civilians left in Texas if it weren't for AR-15s."