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Gun Stores Overwhelmed By People Returning $600 Guns For $2000 Guns

The Babylon Bee - Satire  | Published on 1/15/2021

U.S.—Many Americans, in anticipation of a $600 government-issued stimulus check, have treated themselves to a brand new gun. Now that President Trump is calling instead for $2000 checks, gun stores are struggling to keep up with customers returning their $600 guns and purchasing $2000 guns. 

“I sure am glad I kept the receipt!” exclaimed local gun enthusiast Anthony Harb upgrading his firearm. “It’s time to treat myself to something truly special!” 

The bill was originally intended to provide relief for those out of work and affected by the ongoing pandemic, but after the U.S. paid hundreds of millions to other countries, $2000 per American was all that was left. Since $2000 is not enough to cover 8 months of rent or other necessities, many Americans have decided that one thing they can afford is protection from the bloated and power-hungry Federal Government. 

Several gun stores across the country have already issued statements that they are sold out of all guns at the $2000 price point. Buds Gun Shop & Range in Tennessee has even called for no returns on $600 guns, suggesting customers buy multiple guns instead. 

“We may not know what the future holds, but at least now I won’t have to face it without my Daniel Defense M4V11,” added Mr. Harb at checkout. 

At publishing time, despite no arrival of stimulus checks, President Donald J. Trump had already been named gun salesman of the year.